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You could sense the grandeur of it all a mile away when you saw the massive tent in the middle of Battersea…We were greeted by a Master of Ceremonies and scared by a moving carpet. There was an XVIIIth century Madame doing something with strawberries, I didn’t understand, on a chaise lounge and looking fabulous. I told her I wanted her job and she winked at me. Later, after a few drinks, I tried to climb on that very same chaise lounge, failed miserably, and had Crystal immortalise it in a Facebook picture!

The show gave the shivers. Everyone was uber cool and a true artist. Each time I had to stop my dinner to clap with enthusiasm or to cover my eyes as my emotions were running too wild. I mean how can you cope with someone folding herself to what it looked like a 10cm square space, holding her weight with her teeth whilst opening some fans and looking fabulous?! I at least want her dentist’s details. There was trapeze, hanging ladies, gymnasts, comedy with a high degree of precision and danger and the singers. They were sublime.

Everything was humorous and even the staff danced and sang and were in character, dressed accordingly. They were all so beautiful and glamorous. Rumour has it that unless you wear glitter everyday you are shown your P45. That is what I call glamour and I want to run away with the circus!

I was lucky I was with Crystal Birch (Madame Zingara’s Costume Designer) and Michelle Van Besouw (Madame Zingara’s V.I. Part of the Original Crew) and other great girls. Both of them originally from South Africa, knew everyone there and I got to meet, and see very close up, the beautiful Bearded Lady and the funniest Miss World Man, and the pirate and the blonde with the corset and oh, so many fantastic characters.

Dinner was utterly delicious and it was set in a way that made you felt like you were in the old black and white movies that I adore: rich people would go to a restaurant and there would be an orchestra and a singer or a show and the cigarette and candy girl would be going around… Bliss!

Shame, there were no cigarette and candy girls though. I suppose smoking is not supposed to look glamorous nowadays. It’s all about the impotence, lung cancer, heart attacks etc. it can cause. (I’m trying to convince myself here because I am still trying to be an ex-smoker. 6 weeks now!!)

That night it felt like we were all in a dream and part of the show. I will definitely go again as it is an experience out of this world and they are only going to be in London until the beginning of March. The best thing was the Barbie-wannabes we had as decorations. Somehow I ended up with Barbie-wannabe bodyparts in my handbag as I discovered at work the following morning. I didn’t take them. They followed me!